Changing Up and Out

"You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too"
Britt Nicole

Phew!  I cannot tell you how fast the last eighteen weeks have gone.  I kept meaning to get in here and write an update, but obviously never did.  So, to catch you up really quickly, I have finished the three classroom sequences in the Veterinary Assistant program.  They were great!  I learned so much. 

I got to take my and my sister's dogs to school with me at least once a week and had lots of fun watching other people play fetch with the lab non-stop, trip over the mutt when she'd lay down right at their feet to have her belly rubbed, and to just have them around.  You want to go to my school now, don't you?  Getting to take your pets to school is so much fun!

So, moving on, this last Monday I had a "working interview" at an equine clinic.  I have always wanted to work with large animals in the veterinary medicine field, and I was really excited to have the opportunity to do my externship with horses.  I have had riding lessons and taken a Foal Training class, and so I thought I had enough experience to handle it. 

Unfortunately, after a twelve hour, non-stop day, I came to the realization that I did not have the experience/ability to keep myself, the people around me, and a horse safe if the horse would've suddenly freaked out.    Horses are huge animals, and when they get scared, they don't think about barbed wire fences or who's behind them stitching up their hemorrhaging vessels.  Thankfully, we didn't have a situation where a situation was out of control because of my lack of experience, but I did recognize situations where it could've happened.

It was a really hard day, physically and emotionally.  So, I made the decision to not do my externship with that clinic.  I'm not giving up working with horses, but for right now, I think it's important to focus on learning and practicing what I've learned in class and then integrate it with learning how to handle horses later. 

And now I will be doing my externship at the local humane society, where I will get to work in the surgery, admittance, and evaluation centers.  All very interesting areas and with animals I do have more experience with--dogs and cats.  So, yes, I will still be exposed to hard situations, but knowing I have more of an ability to keep myself safe if an animal freaks out, makes a huge difference!

So, rolling that in with the song I have at the top (and, yes, I know it's not a country song again).  The experience at the horse clinic really shook my confidence to the point I was even questioning my ability to stay in the veterinary field.  A little overdramatic, probably, but after a long stressful day wrapped up with cleaning the bloody barn aisle, I was a touch overwhelmed.  *Please note sarcasm*

With that blow to my confidence, I was really touched with a "God-thing" when my sister asked if I wanted to do Beth Moore's Bible study Breaking Free with her.  We watched the introductory video and I was struck by how much it felt like God was talking to me through Mrs. Moore.  Fear, self-doubt, insecurity had totally taken over my perspective, and I was challenged by the call to "break free" of those strongholds keeping me from living the full life God has for me. 

And then that song from Britt Nicole came to mind.  "What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there?"   My biggest fear is failure.  I felt like I failed, like I wasn't good enough.  And it shook me--hard. 

But, my friends, my Heavenly Father is so good to me!   He always knows just the right people and things to bring to me to remind me who I am.  My family helped me work through the difficult decision and process how to ask for a different site for externing.  The Clinical Director at my school cared enough about to me to make sure I was not giving up on something I am passionate about.  Beth Moore (recorded several years ago, granted) pointed me back to God's call to live in freedom from fear. 

I was disappointed.  I had overestimated my abilities.  But that is no reason to give up on a dream that I am so close to living.  I'll be honest with you, there is still a part of me wondering if this is the correct field for me.  But I've decided to finish out these last six weeks for the VA program so I can make a more educated decision. 

However, after the interview today, I feel recharged.  I am excited about working at the humane society and getting to practice the skills I've spent the last twenty-four weeks learning. 

I have decided there's a part of me that really just wants to be a professional student--never leave a classroom.  My success measured by a GPA.  That situation is not realistic, but I can say being a professional student of the Great Rabbi is.  And I have a feeling He's got lots more lessons for me.

God bless, friends.

A Few Farewells

"...Don't think for a minute that I'm gonna sit around and sing some old sad song.
I believe it's half full not a half empty glass.
Every day I wake up knowing it could be my last.

I ain't here for a long time.
I'm here for a good time.
So bring on the sunshine, to *** with the red wine,
Pour me some moon shine.
When I'm gone put it in stone 'he left nothin behind.'
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time"
George Strait

I first heard this song on the radio a month or so ago.  At first, I thought "wow, what an awful song!"  It seems very irresponsible to live just to drink yourself to a happy and quick death.  But then, as I heard it a couple more times, I realized there is an attitude we should have about this life.  We have no guarntees for how long we will be on this earth.  Even the Bible says that no one knows what tomorrow will hold and exhorts us to live responsibly and passionately for the Kingdom of God.  Just to be clear, I do not believe we should follow all elements of this song, but I do think that there is a Biblical principle in living without regrets.

The last few weeks have been going pretty well at school.  I can't believe we're already in the second to last week of this first sequence.  I have learned a lot-- both medically and personally.  On the whole, the conversations have been less raunchy, though there are still times when I'd like to cover my ears and yell "lalalalala."  But, thankfully, the Lord has been helping me not dwell too long in the topic.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering what the title of this blog has to do with what I've been talking about.  One of my favorite high school teachers died two weeks ago.  Her leukemia finally won, but her family let her go praising God.  I will always fondly remember her and admire her obvious love for God and teaching. 

Another farewell was that my sister and I quit the preschool Sunday school program at church.  I have been working with preschoolers for seven years, each year thinking the class was better than the last.  They've made me laugh, cry, want to pull my hair, and then make me laugh again.  It's only been the last few years, that parents and the kids have started calling me "Miss E----."  Before that I was simply "teacher."  And I will admit I still occassionally miss being called "teacher."  Because of how much I loved that name, I wonder if that's a little bit how Jesus felt when  people called Him "rabbi." 

So, things are moving on.  I will always be thankful for Mrs. Schmuck and my time with the preschoolers.  I am who I am because of the parts they played in my life, and I want to encourage you to realize that everything in your life happens for a reason.  You may not understand it this side of Heaven, but I promise you there is a reason.  But you don't have to take my word for it-- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."

God bless, friends!

A Week Older

"How could we forget
When You touched the earth on that starry night
Angels sang glory to God on high?
We remember

How could we forget
The moment the water became wine
Stories of men leaving all behind?
We remember

The story burns upon our hearts
A beautiful and binding scar
Forever we will
Forever we will think of You"
Newboys

I love that song.  Especially after doing Beth Moore's Believing God Bible study in which we gain an appreciation for when "God remembers"  (such as in Genesis 8:1 when He remembered Noah on the ark and He caused the waters to recede).  And then she proposed that that is key for us too-- when we remember God's faithfulness, we should be prompted to act.  I definitely can't explain all that Mrs. Moore showed us in the study, but here's a shameless plug encouraging you to do Believing God.  It'll change your life!

So, tying this in to my first week at PIMA Medical Institute.  The first day was really hard on me-- not so much that it was the first day of school, but being suddenly thrown into a tiny, basement room where it seemed everyone around me was talking about their sex lives.  It was not so much that it was anything I hadn't heard before as much as the attitude and flippancy with which they shared it-- and the most shocking part was that nearly all of these people were complete strangers to each other. 

Needless to say, this disturbed me quite a bit, and I went home trying to figure out how I would get through six weeks of having these topics come up everyday.  So I prayed, asking the Lord to help me be a light to my classmates but not allow my mind to "go to the gutter," so to speak. 

And, friends, what happens next still boggles my mind!  God is so good!  The very next day, I had the opportunity to share with my new tablemate that 1) I go to church, 2) work with the preschooler at my church, and 3) have a Bible study in my home.  And then, since we were supposed to introduce our tablemates, the other students got to hear that I work at church! 

No, it wasn't sharing the Gospel with the whole class, but I was given an opportunity to let my light shine.  And that this was an answer to my prayer just the day before is amazing!

So, after the first couple days of getting the feel of the course and classmate dynamics, I started feeling alot better about the next six weeks.  Yes, I am still "in the world" and will come in contact with people doing things that are against what God wants them to do, but He has already proven He is there with me and will equip me to do the work I need to do.  (As He has over and over before!)

Well, my friends, that turned into more of a philosphical post than I had originally intended, but that's about all I have to say other than to encourage you in the situations you will find yourself in this week.  God has already been there and will not allow you to be tested beyond what you are able. 

God bless!

First Impressions

Hello and welcome to my blog! 

Let me warn you right off that these posts will contain experiences from my random and awesome life.  Between my jobs at my dad's company and the church preschool, entering the Veterinary Technology program at a local school, my tempermental writing muse, and my "unique" family, there will be a plethora of stories.... 

I decided today to start this blog primarily to record my time training to become a veterinary technician, but, as I was thinking about it more, it will also be a place for contemplating and relating the things I learn in my day to day life. 

So, I think that is a good first blog.  Short, but hopefully enough that you will come back and check it out again sometime. 

Until next time....