Changing Up and Out

"You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too"
Britt Nicole

Phew!  I cannot tell you how fast the last eighteen weeks have gone.  I kept meaning to get in here and write an update, but obviously never did.  So, to catch you up really quickly, I have finished the three classroom sequences in the Veterinary Assistant program.  They were great!  I learned so much. 

I got to take my and my sister's dogs to school with me at least once a week and had lots of fun watching other people play fetch with the lab non-stop, trip over the mutt when she'd lay down right at their feet to have her belly rubbed, and to just have them around.  You want to go to my school now, don't you?  Getting to take your pets to school is so much fun!

So, moving on, this last Monday I had a "working interview" at an equine clinic.  I have always wanted to work with large animals in the veterinary medicine field, and I was really excited to have the opportunity to do my externship with horses.  I have had riding lessons and taken a Foal Training class, and so I thought I had enough experience to handle it. 

Unfortunately, after a twelve hour, non-stop day, I came to the realization that I did not have the experience/ability to keep myself, the people around me, and a horse safe if the horse would've suddenly freaked out.    Horses are huge animals, and when they get scared, they don't think about barbed wire fences or who's behind them stitching up their hemorrhaging vessels.  Thankfully, we didn't have a situation where a situation was out of control because of my lack of experience, but I did recognize situations where it could've happened.

It was a really hard day, physically and emotionally.  So, I made the decision to not do my externship with that clinic.  I'm not giving up working with horses, but for right now, I think it's important to focus on learning and practicing what I've learned in class and then integrate it with learning how to handle horses later. 

And now I will be doing my externship at the local humane society, where I will get to work in the surgery, admittance, and evaluation centers.  All very interesting areas and with animals I do have more experience with--dogs and cats.  So, yes, I will still be exposed to hard situations, but knowing I have more of an ability to keep myself safe if an animal freaks out, makes a huge difference!

So, rolling that in with the song I have at the top (and, yes, I know it's not a country song again).  The experience at the horse clinic really shook my confidence to the point I was even questioning my ability to stay in the veterinary field.  A little overdramatic, probably, but after a long stressful day wrapped up with cleaning the bloody barn aisle, I was a touch overwhelmed.  *Please note sarcasm*

With that blow to my confidence, I was really touched with a "God-thing" when my sister asked if I wanted to do Beth Moore's Bible study Breaking Free with her.  We watched the introductory video and I was struck by how much it felt like God was talking to me through Mrs. Moore.  Fear, self-doubt, insecurity had totally taken over my perspective, and I was challenged by the call to "break free" of those strongholds keeping me from living the full life God has for me. 

And then that song from Britt Nicole came to mind.  "What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there?"   My biggest fear is failure.  I felt like I failed, like I wasn't good enough.  And it shook me--hard. 

But, my friends, my Heavenly Father is so good to me!   He always knows just the right people and things to bring to me to remind me who I am.  My family helped me work through the difficult decision and process how to ask for a different site for externing.  The Clinical Director at my school cared enough about to me to make sure I was not giving up on something I am passionate about.  Beth Moore (recorded several years ago, granted) pointed me back to God's call to live in freedom from fear. 

I was disappointed.  I had overestimated my abilities.  But that is no reason to give up on a dream that I am so close to living.  I'll be honest with you, there is still a part of me wondering if this is the correct field for me.  But I've decided to finish out these last six weeks for the VA program so I can make a more educated decision. 

However, after the interview today, I feel recharged.  I am excited about working at the humane society and getting to practice the skills I've spent the last twenty-four weeks learning. 

I have decided there's a part of me that really just wants to be a professional student--never leave a classroom.  My success measured by a GPA.  That situation is not realistic, but I can say being a professional student of the Great Rabbi is.  And I have a feeling He's got lots more lessons for me.

God bless, friends.